Tuesday, June 26, 2012
After going through my life piece by piece I realize that I was a person of little faith. I had belief. But I didn't really trust. And now that I am trusting in God to lead my will, it doesn't feel any different. I walk and still am unsure of what to do. But underneath it all I have a trust that God really is in control and that He is leading my life. I still do what I do but I know that things will work, or not work, according to His plan. I am just trying to align myself with His, trusting that roadblocks will prevent me from going the wrong way as long as I let go.
Today, feeling particularly in need of guidance I decided to seek out to hear from God. This is different than praying when I usually spend the majority of time talking. Today, I would search out what He has to say. A church might be a good place. So I went to St. James church, where I grew up attending. All the doors were locked. Not sure what this has to say about security, the age in which we live and the openness of a place of worship for the people, but I was sad that the church was not open for me. I am not saying anything except that at first I was thinking "has God abandoned me?" I would not give up. Across the street was the Willowbrook Wildlife Preserve. I would visit there and trust that God had a purpose.
I went to the eagle's cage, the eagle being my favorite bird. A lone bald eagle sat majestically on a high tree, keenly, yet patiently, watching all around. I am amazed by the size and strength of such a magnificent creature. God brought to mind Isaiah 40:31 "but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." I knew in a moment that God was there, but still awaited his message. So I walked into the cool shade of a stream.
Not that it was much of a stream. The drought has dried up much of the river bed. There were two sections of still water: ahead of a small dam and further away from the place where I listened for His voice. I sat as quietly as the water, trying to be patient and trying desperately to hear. I waited but heard nothing. I need to hear Him and to know His will for my life and still I heard nothing. I continued to wait, hoping that He would talk but still I did not hear. The stillness of the setting matched the stillness of my listening. But some flash of light caught my eye. I walked onto the old dried riverbed and went to the light source. a small trickle of water persisted between the two ponds of still water.Despite the dry weather, the water still flowed. It was a trickle but it persistently ran from one to another. The water met the second still water which was quite a bit larger in area and I realized that the water was not still at all. The trickle of water went somewhere, and for miles along the path of the stream, water was moving with quiet reflections on the surface.
I realized that God was telling me that even when things look not to be moving or changing or even making a difference at all, God is still at work - moving and shifting and bringing fresh water to the semi-stagnant lakes. It is not a torrent of change but it is movement. And so I trust that in my life when things feel like there is no movement at all, I know that God is moving and changing. And He never rests nor grows weary. And even when I think I am growing weary, God will lift me up again. I shall walk and not grow faint.